What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.
Why are we so sure that Eve was African? If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple! She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?" If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case.
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
John: How old are you? Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7 John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game? A: There was a face-off in the corner.
Chuck Norris needs no introduction, but if you need an introduction, you need Chuck Norris.
One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!” The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”