Q: Whats the generic form of Viagra? A: Mycoxaflopin.
Find a sleeping person, fill their hand with shaving cream and then tickle their nose.
Put tape over the optical sensor of someone's mouse.
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.