Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor. ‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer. ‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
What is the noisiest game? Squash – because you can’t play it without raising a racquet!
How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
A man and wife are at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple who are running their hands over each other passionately. ‘I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,’ says the man. ‘Watch them!’ says his wife. ‘You already know how to play volleyball.’
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)