Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."