Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget? A: Wow! Your hair smells good!
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone? Answer: No! Response: Wanna go to a party?
Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas.
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.