The best disgusting jokes

Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
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Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
Vote: has 80.97 % from 146 votes. Send joke:

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Once there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I have to piss." The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite." The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, "Daddy I have to whisper." The father said, "OK. Here, whisper in my ear."
Vote: has 80.95 % from 158 votes. Send joke:

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I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
Vote: has 80.62 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

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Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
Vote: has 80.50 % from 230 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, drunk, wife, dog, party
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote: has 80.37 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, health
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, winter, disgusting, bird
Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as salesmen. Each day, two of the guys sell twenty toothbrushes each, and the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous, but they can't figure out his secret. Then, one day, they run into him at the mall, where he's set up a tobacco dip sample table. "This is your secret?" says the first guy. "Try some dip," says the third. They both take a little bit o' dip. "Ech!" says the second guy. "This tastes like s**t!" "It is s**t. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"
Vote: has 80.10 % from 214 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
Vote: has 79.84 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

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A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 79.76 % from 171 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, alcohol, sex, disgusting, life