An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony? A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."