The best food jokes

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
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More jokes about: black humor, christian, food
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
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More jokes about: food, flirt, romantic
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Vote: has 58.58 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, kitty, cat, poems, food
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, food, marriage
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, food, chocolate
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
Vote: has 57.43 % from 140 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, black people, food, animal
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, food
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, animal, food