The best food jokes

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sport, celebrity, food
Q: What happens when you feed gun powder to a chicken? A: Egg-splosion
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, animal, food
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, couple, wife, food, sex
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, music
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Vote: has 47.97 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, dog, animal, Christmas, food
I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
Vote: has 47.62 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: weed, food
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Vote: has 47.21 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, husband, food, animal
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, time, food, life
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 46.60 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, kids, baby, food