"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
Dog Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, its mine. 8. If I saw it first, its mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, its yours.
What is the definition of "moon"? The past tense of "moo"!
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
What do you get from a short-legged cow? Dragon milk.
Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn? A: To buy some quack.
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.