When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage.
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool.
My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep? A wooly jumper.