Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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"My parachute did not work."
Said no one ever.
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Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
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Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
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