How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
You hold his nose!
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Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!
Who do you think would win in a fight? Godzilla or King Kong
Neither, Chuck Norris doesn't let his pets fight!
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What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a pig ran in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t.
The pig was killed.
The President told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later the driver staggers back to the car with his clothes in total disarray.
He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
“What happened?” asked the President.
“Well,” the driver replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.”
“My God, what did you tell them?” asked the President.
The driver replied: “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
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