What can you serve that you cannot eat?
A tennis ball.
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A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute.
May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through."
He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?
In case they get a hole in one!
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.''
They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft.
In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox."
"Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby.
If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"