Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
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A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting.
I'm not getting up."
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters?
3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
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A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw.
"You always lose control at the same point in every game."
"When is that?"
"Right after the National Anthem."
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.
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Our new midfielder cost ten million.
I call him our wonder player.
How come?
Every time he plays I wonder “why the fuck did I bothered to buy him”!
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great!
NOW you tell me." said the beginner.
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."