I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a nigger? The pigeon is white and the nigger can’t fly!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
What game do little cows like to play? Moonopoly.
What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."