Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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The judge asks the murderer:
Why did you kill that old lady?
For money..
But you got only 20 cents
Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.
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What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!
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I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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Two kids were talking together.
First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands."
Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?"
First: "Yes, of course."
Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
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Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.
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