What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
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What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
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A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.
She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
"Okay," she says.
After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Jed.
"Let's take these things off."
Why does the witch not wear panties when flying?
Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.
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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell.
A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name."
"You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay."
So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table.
The guy sips it, gags and spits it out.
"This tastes like piss!"
"Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."
Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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