Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called? A: A copycat!
How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them.
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly." "How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."