Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay!
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Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers?
She heard he was a cowpuncher-
What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud missle.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk.
The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk.
The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk.
However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
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What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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