We ask the president to make laws. The president asks Chuck Norris.
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers? He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
Q: Why do they say elephants never forget? A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal? A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he's done.