The best sex jokes

Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Vote: has 64.67 % from 235 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, mechanic, dirty
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
Vote: has 64.52 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
Vote: has 64.47 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Vote: has 64.35 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, work, fat, chocolate, wife
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Vote: has 64.35 % from 175 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, women, stupid, husband
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
Vote: has 64.05 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, bar, sex
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Vote: has 64.04 % from 476 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, hospital, sex, food
A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss. ‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband. ‘Professionally of course.’ The wife replies, ‘Which profession? Yours or hers?’
Vote: has 63.68 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex