Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
In World War 2 Chuck Norris Pointed his Fingers at an enemy zero and said BANG, The plane burst into flames and crashed.
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.