I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator.
Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal.
I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
If it works, everyone buys me drinks."
The crowd agrees.
The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth.
Gator closes mouth.
After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head.
The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks.
Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.
It's a woman.
"I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
What do you call a smart blonde?
There is only two simple little words to describe this joke and that is: A miracle
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Yo Momma so fat she wears a vcr as a beeper.
The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
Chuck Norris made an armless man tap out.
Vote: