Best jokes ever

Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.
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More jokes about: black humor
I saw the priest watching pornography. Should I get jelous? -Johnny, 11 years old.
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More jokes about: little Johnny, priest, age
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men? It changes their blood type.
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Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ? A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: - Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: - Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. - But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: - I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. - But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. - Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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More jokes about: black humor, doctor, time, death
May I push in your stool?
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
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More jokes about: women, beer, men
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
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More jokes about: black humor
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'
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More jokes about: blonde, car, driving
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?" Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
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More jokes about: cop