Jesus saves. But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?
How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'
A drunk staggered down the main street of the town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to a cathedral and into the entrance, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had observed all this, and figured the fellow needed some help, so he entered his side of the confessional. After the priest sat there in deathly silence, he finally asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any paper on your side?"
Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry? A: Booger King!!!
Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces? Nothing all the good ones are taken.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser.
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.