Two things in life are certain: Death and a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
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Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar?
A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed a two-hour special of "Lost."
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Yo' Mama is so poor, her tv only has two channels: on and not working.
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
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YO momma is so old, I slit her throat and dust came out!
Q:How do sport players stay cool in game?
A:They stay in front of some fans!
What are the 3 things you cannot give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, or a job.
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Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sex?’
Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’
Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue.
Forget it.’
Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.