Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: "Olive or twist?"
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they take away your credit card.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off. He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum. As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?" The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips." The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure. The cowboy said, "Nope. But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"