Why did the man keep doing the backstroke? He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,"What did you do that for!?"
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep. I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any. Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s. I tried. But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade four.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
A very short painter walks into a Parisian bar and offers to buy his friend a drink. His friend, rushing out of the door, shouts, ‘Can’t stop now, no time Toulouse.’
Q: Why is it OK for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!