Best jokes ever

Q: Why do women wear black underwear? A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
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How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
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More jokes about: life, food
Chuck Norris has never taken a test, because no one questions Chuck Norris.
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She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
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Chuck Norris said "come on" and "on" came.
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Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, celebrity
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
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A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff. The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. “This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I’m not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch.” The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. “This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won’t pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, “Now that’s more like it.” An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, “What do you think of this?” The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling “THIS TASTES LIKE PISS.” To which the old drunk replies, “That’s right, now guess how old I am.”
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, age
When Chuck Norris breaks a sweat... he tries to do it as quickly as possible so as not to hurt it.
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Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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More jokes about: kids, school, teacher