What's a rabbits favorite movie? Rabbits of the Lost Ark.
John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident. When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!" St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven." This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other. John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?" "My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
Voldemort once ran into Chuck Norris. He is now known as Harry Potter.
How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back. And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first.
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
Chuck Norris beat the light speed by 2 hours and 23 minutes.