Best jokes ever

I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.

I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.

He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines. The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”. The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! ”

A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."

How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.

When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.

Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians? A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!