Chuck Norris can beatbox with a triangle.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
Your momma so fat... She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab.
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider? A harenet.
When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.