They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low."
"Pick up bread. We be back."
Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.
A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother.
One night she said she was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride, as she carefully said each word right up to the end…
"And lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?
He wanted to raised stewed beef.
If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get?
Half and half.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
Where do steers go to dance?
To the Meat Ball.
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
Lou Gehrig considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, no one knew that it was because he was soon getting away from Chuck Norris.
Vote:
What is the golden rule for cows?
Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.