Jason Bourne fought Chuck Norris but he can't remember because now he has amnesia.
Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied “Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I’d check out the same way.”
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Yo mama is so fat she has to write an apology letter to Japan.
Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales? To get all their stuff back.