Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
Ones the bus was full of people. A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late. The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in. The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.
Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
The entire movie of "Anaconda" was recorded inside Chuck Norris' pants.
A man fell out of a tenth-story window. He's lying on the ground with a big crowd around him. A cop walks over and says, "What happened?" The guy says, "I don't know, I just got here."
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yea right. Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.