What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek."
He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
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Chuck Norris can only text if the phone's touch screen is bullet proof.
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Fan: "I see you won a silver medal at the Olympics. What's it for?¨"
Athlete: "It's for telling knock knock jokes."
Fan: "And what's that gold medal for?"
Athlete: "For stopping."
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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten
inch penis?
A: "Partially disabled."
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Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.
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Why did Rosa Parks die?
She refused to go to the back of the ambulance!
When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
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Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."