Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.