Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
What happens when the cows refuse to be milked? Udder chaos.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Save the tree, eat a beaver.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he cant hear you.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"