Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
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What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.
Q. What did the frog say to the fly?
A. You are really starting to bug me!
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.
He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please".
The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox?
A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
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What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?
A merry dairy.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"