To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives:
1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident.
2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident.
3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience.
I'll take the lawyers heart.
After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient:
"Why did you choose the lawyers heart?"
"Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove.
"Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"
"I'm looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It's called Dante's Inferno."
"I definitely don't want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history."
"Do you have Shakespeare in English?"
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Joke has 57.69 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, dinosaur, stupid
Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café.
They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's.
"What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman's pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."
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What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?
Answer: "Halo there!"
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