Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
Vote:
The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town.
They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.
Vote:
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.
New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard
to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
Vote:
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote: