What do you get if you cross a computer with a herb?
A thyme machine.
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Which way did the programmer go?
He went data way!
Windows, the world's first commercially successful virus!
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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What goes ‘choo choo choo’ while online?
Thomas the search engine.
Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
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Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus?
GarageBend.
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What do computers do when they get hungry?
They eat chips!
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".
The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week".
The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!"
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies.
"I don't have time for sex.But a talking frog is pretty neat."
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