C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
What did the computer do at lunchtime? Had a byte!
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
Two computers in the same LAN chatting one night: PC1: I was having a nightmare last night, it was so horrible. PC2: Why, what did you dream about ? PC1: I was sleeping, dreaming 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 when all of a sudden a 2 popped up!
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. ‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’ Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist? An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
A system administrator has 2 problems: - dumb users - smart users
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won’t unfreeze. Agent: What do you mean, “type eleven?” Caller: The message on my screen says, “Error Type 11!”