Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Q: What have condoms and tires in common? A: Good year.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher? They both got fired.
A young couple get between the sheets for the first time. In a flash it’s over. The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’ His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.