The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common? A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
Here is an actual list of aircraft problems reported by pilots at the end of the day for the mechanics to fix before takeoff the next day followed by the notes the mechanics left for the pilots to read the next morning. (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more