The best ugly jokes

Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.
Vote: has 65.02 % from 5 votes. Send joke:

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I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, kids, ugly, food
Yo mama so ugly that slender man didn't even want follow her.
Vote: has 64.09 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, ugly, insulting
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Vote: has 63.92 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, ugly
Yo' Mama is so ugly, I asked if her face hurt because it was killing me.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, ugly, insulting
Yo' Mama's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth, her cheeks light up.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, ugly, insulting
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, ugly, work
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, ugly
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead? Unsightly facial hare.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, ugly
Yo mama is so ugly the mirror did not make an reflection.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, ugly