A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t. And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.