A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but its driving me nuts".
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream? Aston Vanilla.
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
What's green green green green green? A frog rolling down a hill.
Why did the blonde roast a chicken for three and a half days? The instructions said ‘cook it for half an hour per pound’, and she weighed 125.
A grasshopper walks into a pub, pulls up a stool, and orders beer. The bartender gives him a mug and says, "you know, we have a drink named after you." And the grasshopper replies, "you have a drink named Bob?"
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team. They drowned during spring training.
A blonde comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts. ‘How can I get to the other side?’ The other blonde looks around then shouts back, ‘You are on the other side!’
On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!