Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music, technology, computer
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor. The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s. As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
Vote: has 74.83 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Yo mamma is so fat she doesn't need the intenet to be worldwide.
Vote: has 74.81 % from 385 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, insulting
Yo mama so fat she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk.
Vote: has 74.80 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, divorce, husband, money
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, computer, health
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop
Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy. That is why there is no life on any of them.
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later…no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what’s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later… still no centipede! He can’t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, car, time