The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote:
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
I went into the bar the other day & the bartender said:
"What'ya have?"
I said: "Suprise me."
He did, He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
I said: "Hey, who said you could mess around with my wife?"
"Everyone did" he replied..."
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.
He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!”
His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!”
The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!”
His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?”
The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
Vote:
I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day.
Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep.
Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months.
The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area.
The doctors think hard about this.
They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea.
Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy.
He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom."
One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door.
He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away."
She says: "What about the good in bed part?"
He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
Vote:
A little girl took her report card home and showed it to mom.
The mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades.
"Well look on the bright side" said the child, "you know for sure I don't cheat."